Too Many Worries

Lately, there have been a lot of things on my mind. Things that are important in my opinion. I'm going to be 26 years old this year (gosh, where the heck have the years gone?!?) and I feel like I haven't done much with my life. I recently got back from a short vacation, visiting my family in Utah and I ran into some of my college friends (some I haven't seen for 7 or 8 years). Now, most of them have graduated from college, started a family, have good jobs, and a place called home to raise their family. It made me feel like I haven't accomplished much in life. I haven't gone back to college since 2001 and I know it's something that's really important in life. However, I don't feel like I can afford it. I don't think I can work full-time, go to school, and be able to pay my bills juggling work and school. I know eventually I'll go back, but I really want to finish my education sometime in the near future.

When I was in Utah, my parents called together a Family Meeting. My dad wanted to call the family meeting together since most of the family was up in Utah (except one brother and his wife). My dad went on talking about we never know when our time will come to leave this Earth. Honestly, I hate hearing my dad talk about that, but I know it's part of life. Just the thought of losing one of my family members scares me. My family means the world to me and it kills me to think that eventually we have to lose each other in this lifetime.

Now, I know many know that I was raised Mormon (my family is a faithful practicing Mormon family), but I have gone inactive. What kills me the most was to see my dad sit on the couch, trying to spit out what he wanted to say (taking him a while to say what he wanted), and crying, telling me how he wants me to come back to church. I hate seeing my dad (or any of my family members cry) and it's hard to choose between making my family happy or myself happy. The reasons I choose not to go to church are known to some, but it has nothing to do with the church as religion. Whether I choose to come back or not, who knows? I don't want to make a promise that I don't know I'll be able to keep, whether it be to return back to the church or not.

The other thing that's been weighing on my mind is work. I've been working at The Rio Hotel & Casino here in Vegas and it's a job I really love. I've worked hard this past year to make my managers know I'm serious about my job and would love to move up in the company. There was a situation that occured where I was offered a higher position, but because of certain circumstances, I could not take the position. I'm not mad that I had to refuse it even though it's something I worked so hard for, but the other choice was more important to me. I just question at times, if this is the job that I really want and if it will be able to support me financially to help me make a life for myself. I want a job that will allow me to live the American Dream of owning my house, being able to take care of myself (not being rich, but able to live life without having to work more than one job), and being successful in whatever I do.